For us, for all the world

Have you ever had it when you’ve been thinking a lot about one particular thing, or a bunch of little things that all relate with one overarching theme, but you’re having a hard time putting it into words? I’m sort of having that problem, but it’s more like I know what I want to say, but I don’t have time to say it.

But kind of what I was thinking about was Mill’s idea of the worst kind of tyranny that a majority can impose upon a minority: the kind that gets deep into your soul. Like people in older times or different places that were or are locked up for differing beliefs - at least they still can hold firm because the government cannot lock up their mind. But when you go to a party or post a blog post online and say you like something different from the norm … it’s weird how people just make you feel so bad. And they do it from all sides, in all places, with all opinions. That’s the sort of feeling that gets deep within you, makes you either change your mind or shut up about your different opinions.

My biggest thing right now I think is the fact that I am not enchanted in the least by Obama, and that I didn’t really like McCain either. And the fact that I chose not to vote (before you jump down my throat on THIS, yes, I am registered, yes, I was considering it, yes, I vote in local elections, and my ultimate choice was not to vote in this one). I just had so many people tell me I was crazy or give me the silent treatment or do this weird thing where you could tell they were really annoyed at me but they didn’t want to show it. THAT’S what I’m talking about. I could feel it getting to me - it made me upset, it made me feel like I was weird for being different, for thinking different. People made me feel terrible for not really liking Obama all that much, and people made me feel awful for not voting.

It gets to you. It really does. Even if you brush it off in your mind, when someone says, “What is WRONG with you?” or implies it, you can’t forget it, not really. Everyone has had this sort of thing happen to them - and eventually they either change their mind or stop talking about what they feel. I stop talking. If someone has something to say, I’ll listen to them and respect them and even encourage them to talk, but I don’t say much back. In fact, I hardly ever talk about my opinions - I do it more in the online community because I’m bolder online, but in real life it’s just easier to say nothing.

And, if it’s the only way I can truly hold onto what I believe, then I must stay quiet. I don’t want people getting to me like that.

My thoughts and opinions are challenged nearly every day because I don’t have very mainstream ideas, at least not today. I’m a minority in a lot of my opinions, but I have very Mill-ian ideas about how the world should work. It’s very comforting, though, to know that I am not the only one, that some of these great thinkers warned against or encouraged the very same conclusions I’ve arrived to now.

I guess what I’m trying to say is, you’ve all had this happen to you, where someone thinks you’re stupid for feeling a certain way. And you KNOW it gets to you. And the worst part is, we all do it. Like, the Obama thing. Liking Obama is clearly a majority thing - he received the most popular votes. And I had some of my closest friends treat me like I was insane. The months leading up the election were very painful for me - very painful. It’s hard to admit that. Hard to admit that people get to you like that. Every single time someone would mention Obama I would tense up. Worse, every single time someone would bring up the election, I would feel that all over again, deep down inside. I had to start avoiding news. I didn’t want to be treated like an outsider. I still don’t.

So I come to you, bearing my soul out to the world. I have minority beliefs - we all do in at least one respect. Some of us here are the weird ones, the ones who thought differently in school and were teased for it. Now that we’ve grown up it hasn’t gotten much better even though we think it has. Adults have more subtle ways of making people feel bad for being weird or having weird opinions.

I implore you, all of you. This is even a reminder to myself. The next time someone says something that’s stupid or weird or different, don’t tease them. Don’t make fun of them. Don’t roll your eyes. You can disagree to them, say, “I see what you’re saying. I don’t know if I feel the same way though, but you have a point.” But don’t make them feel bad for the disagreement.

Embrace the differences for the sake of the weirdness that is in all of us. By stifling us you stifle yourself.

November 15, 2008 @ 11:02 am . Comments (6)

Culture — Tags: insecurities, lessons, living, the world

Complaints

Complaint about the weather: It’s been raining, which in Texas usually means “Cooler Temperatures for at Least A Day” but it’s supposed to be 82 today. Plus humidity. IN NOVEMBER. Have I mentioned I’m getting really sick of hot weather? Because I am. One day I have to bust out my Super Thick Comforter, the next day I’m sweating under one sheet with a ceiling fan turned on. This is stupid! You hear that, Texas weather?! Stupid! *shakes fist*

Complaint about school: You know how teachers seem to think that their class is the only one you’re taking? They’re idiots. So, I actually have this teacher this semester who hates pop quizzes and attendance and who understands when you have commitments and posts up his lecture slides online just in case you can’t make it. It’s not my favorite class ever, but it’s actually really refreshing to have a university professor who doesn’t act like we’re still in high school. Of course, if only my other teachers would get with the picture and understand that we sometimes have to miss a few days, and that should be our business. Also, what is up with teachers that assign thirty hour projects? We don’t have that much free time! Assign smaller projects and maybe we’ll actually like your class.

Complaint about Apple: You guys are idiots for not allowing Opera Mini on the iPodtouchphone. Idiots. Also, you are very closed source and I hate you.

Complaint about insomnia: So, I can’t sleep anymore. I’ve tried everything! I think my problem is that I get up at 6:30, am doing constant stuff until about 10, 10:30, and then when I finally go to bed, my brain won’t shut down. So I usually spend one-four hours trying to fall asleep, and then I have to wake up at 6:30 again. It SUCKS. Also, last night I managed to go to sleep at 10:00. 10! And guess what time I woke up? Nope. Earlier. Earlier than that. C’mon. 4:30. AUGRHGHSHDEHRHDFjdsdkjf. All the coffee in the world is not going to keep me awake.

And so ends my complaints for the day. Is it only Tuesday?

Edit: Also, I think I ruined my chances to work for a company that actually truly appealed to me because I was myself way too much and didn’t focus on selling myself. Read: I actually mentioned some of my flaws. Dang it.

November 11, 2008 @ 9:28 am . Comments (5)

General — Tags: real life

Happy birthday, J!

Happy birthday to my favorite J, who puts up with my annoying-ness, who makes me laugh, and who is I’m sure delicious baked in a pan with lots of fresh vegetables.

November 5, 2008 @ 11:43 am . Comments (3)

General —

Upset

A president is NOT a monarch. Stop giving him so much power in your minds. Yes, he has power. But! There’s a body of people who make decisions for you every single day and most people don’t even care. They have more impact on your daily life than the president. They’re called Representatives and Senators and Mayors and Comptrollers and City Councils and even Neighborhood Councils, and if everyone paid them a fraction of the amount of attention that they paid this presidential election, change can happen.

Have you ever voted in the off-season? How about locally?

Maybe you should consider it.

@ 9:00 am . Comments (2)

Culture, Media — Tags: annoyance

Nanowrimo!

Nanowrimo has actually been going really well so far. We’ll see if that keeps up. I have a lot of projects and homework assignments to finish up this week, but my game plan so far is to just write during class. Also, it’s been hot (in the 80s), which is just obnoxious. I haven’t lived in Texas for too long, but I can’t remember a fall that’s been this warm before. I mean, it’s NOVEMBER. I’m tired of sweating, frankly, and I’m still very tired of air conditioning.

But I digress. So, what’s really funny is how this year’s Nanowrimo IS going so well. I’m taking more classes and more difficult classes than last year. I also had food poisoning yesterday. I’m also working almost twice as many hours as last year. AND last year I had spent days plotting out my story - my characters were all in my plotting notebook, my plot was on notecards, so I had one planned-out scene for each day, and I knew everything that was going to happen, beginning, middle, end. I didn’t think I was being really micro-management about it, but I really was. It’s funny how each year my writing gets better and better when I write stuff outside of Nanowrimo, but within it it all depends on what I’m writing and how.

This year I had done the same thing, though not quite to the same extent. In fact, I had actually planned on finishing up the one from last year, writing the second part of it (for I had, conveniently, planned it so that it would be exactly 100,000 words long). November 1st, when I woke up, my subconscious smacked me across the face with a half-baked idea, not even a plot, and told me to write it.

So I am, despite my better judgment and everyone else’s advice. And, shockingly enough, it’s working wonderfully. I don’t know how that happens but apparently you can write a story without plotting everything out down to the individual scene. Who knew?

In conclusion, everyone should do Nanowrimo. Because it’s actually more fun than even I thought it was, and I thought it was pretty fun most of the years I did it (since 2002, actually, which makes me feel really old, even though I certainly haven’t been doing it for as long as some people). So, it’s not too late to start, guys. Day 4. Grab your pen and let’s go!

ps: did you guys know Charles Stross is doing Nanowrimo? Ultimate coolness!

November 4, 2008 @ 7:40 am . Comments (3)

Art — Tags: creativity, nanowrimo, writing