Senioritis

A picture to remind me that there’s more to Austin than campus

It’s no secret that I desperately want to get out of school. I’m tired of the culture more than anything - parties, immaturity, people staying up until five in the morning so that when you call at eleven to see what they’re doing for the day, you feel guilty because you woke them up. I’m tired of people still acting like they need their mommies to be able to function at all. I’m tired of people spending their student loans on going out to eat every day because they’re too lazy to boil some water for noodles. I can’t wait to be out of this little tiny apartment and into an actual house where I’ll have the room to move my computer and little television set out of my bedroom. The cats are tired of being here too, already. They’re bored and they hate being limited to my bedroom, a living room, and the bathroom.

I think it’s mostly just walking around and hearing people act like we did back in high school. We all just have cabin fever. This morning Augustus has been whining at the top of his lungs and I have no idea why. Letting him look out the kitchen window helped for awhile but every time someone walks by he gets terrified and jumps down, and then can’t get back up. Sata has been just laying listlessly under my bed, and I know he’s bored and wants to go outside but I can’t let him because of all the weirdos who hang around here and the non-neutered cats who are aggressive and spray all over the place.

And me? I will be very glad when I’m completely done with pop quizzes and dirty carpets and leaky faucets in the bathroom and lack of windows. I always thought I’d love to live in apartments, moving from place to place, never tied down. Then I actually began living in one and it’s killing me (not really - I’m dramatic).

I guess I’m just tired of living the student life. I don’t want to settle down, but I’d like to get out of this area, out of school, and get on with my life. University students, especially the ones here, are so pushy, rude, immature, and self-centered. I get off a city bus and everyone who gets off with me is thanking the bus driver, saying “have a nice day” and all that. I get of a university shuttle and it’s silence. People will yell at a bus driver and then never once say “thank you.” It’s ridiculous. I’m so ready to be done with it. They push in front of you when you’re walking and never excuse themselves, or they bump into you and never say they’re sorry. They’ll talk loudly on their cell phones in quiet areas and expect you to just deal with it.

It doesn’t help that there’s 30,000 of us here. This is a huge university, and you can easily be anonymous or get involved, whichever you want. But either way, you can’t avoid the crowds of girls in shorts and t-shirts and flip-flops, yapping on their cell phone and pushing through, or the frat boys with the stupid polo shirts who walk really closely behind you when there’s no one else around. And it doesn’t help that the university has taken on three major construction projects, cutting off most access routes to the buildings, which increases the crowds along one of the roads so much that you can’t even hear yourself think.

tl;dr? I’m tired. I’m ready to be out of here. Senioritis for the lose.

February 24, 2009 @ 11:32 am . Comments (8)

General — Tags: annoyance, cats, Future, living, school

Appreciation

It’s been the weirdest week ever. It was a kind of bad week but it was more than that: it was just weird. I can’t expain it. It just felt strange, like it would never end, and it was weird because I felt nervous all week.

I dunno. Do you ever have weeks like that? Yesterday one of the cats (Sata) got sick, and was literally crawling across the floor, meowing in a pitiful, scary way. I was terrified he was going to die. He started throwing up and after he had emptied the contents of his stomach he found a corner and just curled up there. It was one of the scariest things I’ve ever witnessed, especially because Sata and I have become so especially close in the past week or so. He curls up with me when I go to sleep, and when I wake up he always comes in to greet me.

I was scared, but it really makes you appreciate what you have all the more. He’s a wonderful cat and I’m so happy he’s mine, especially because he just loves everyone unconditionally. Last night I thought I was going to lose him and I hated thinking that. This morning when I woke up, and he came running in to greet me, I couldn’t even explain the relief I felt. He’s just the right kind of cat.

What have you come to appreciate in the past week?

February 20, 2009 @ 8:12 pm . Comments (5)

General — Tags: cats, lessons, pets

It all started with a Sailor Moon

Things have been hectic lately. We decided that we would take the house, despite some unforeseen issues, and so I’ve been signing leases, paying deposits, giving them my soul - you know, the usual. Valentine’s Day was nice - in fact, the entire weekend was nice. We lazed around on Saturday, more so than usual, which involved walking to the grocery store to buy tea, chocolate, and strawberries, and then on the way back stopping by the pond to feed the ducks, which was hilarious and fun. We headed back and had afternoon tea while I read a book and J made chocolate covered strawberries. Way better than the storebought ones, let me tell you. For dinner we headed over to my parent’s for spaghetti. It was a great day, full of family and love.

Last week I drew a silly sketch of Sailor Moon on my notebook in class to make a few friends laugh. One of them said, “That’s not half bad.”

For some reason, I needed that encouragement. I used to be an avid sketcher, always doodling on the sides of my homework, but lately I’ve stopped. I don’t know if people understand the power of unwarranted criticism. It can break a person. They show you a short story they’ve written or a picture they’ve drawn and say, “I want to show this to you.” They didn’t ask you for your advice on how to improve, they didn’t ask you whether their metaphors make sense or their style is too organic. They have made someone, and you have the honor of viewing it. Give them the same honor back of enjoying this. Leave the criticism for the art instructor or the editors.

Unless they ask. “Give me an honest critique.” “Tell me whether you think the pose is off.” “Tell me what I should improve.”

I had the unfortunate circumstance of dating a guy who had the potential to ruin my life. I got out of the relationship within about six months but I still remember his harsh words even today. He destroyed drawing for me. Every piece I produced, every painting I tried, he found fault with, criticized, tore apart. Never once said he liked them. And it ruined me. I never drew seriously for a long time, and after that it was just a few things. I turned my attention to writing.

I know what you’re thinking - you’re thinking that I can’t take criticism. No one likes to hear their work isn’t perfect, but it’s the only way you learn. I took an art class and the criticism I had there was what made me grow as an artist. It made me realize what I’m good at and what I’m bad at, because BOTH of these were pointed out. There’s a difference between criticism in an art class and an attack from your boyfriend that wasn’t even asked for.

But then I had someone tell me my Sailor Moon was pretty good.

As people, and as artists, we need honest criticism as much as we need honest encouragement. Encouragement is telling the person to keep going, keep going! Criticism is telling them how to get even better! But we need both. Criticism without encouragement is painful - encouragement without criticism keeps us doing the exact same thing over and over.

Last night as soon as I was done with a school paper, I took out my old sketchbook and I opened it to a new page, and I drew a small picture. And I liked it. And I showed it to J and he said, “Keep going.”

Drawing will never become anything more for me than just something fun, but I’m glad to have it back again.

February 17, 2009 @ 10:49 am . Comments (4)

Art — Tags: creativity, lessons

Goings on

We’ve not quite decided on the house yet. We put down a deposit to keep it for now and we received the lease but we’re still considering. It’s been such a stressful situation for all of us, because of how big of a decision it is. I’m tired of big decisions. Ever since August it feels like I’ve been making them every single month.

No one ever told me how hard graduating and moving on from school would be, and I feel sort of betrayed. Everyone said how weird it was to go to college and I felt almost prepared for that. This, though. This is different. My mum keeps saying, “Welcome to the real world,” but it’s the real world on a student salary, with a student mindset, and I have known nothing else outside of what I see when I stand on the corner of Speedway and 24th Street. School.

So I’m not sure what to do right now. And even though we got the lease Friday night they’re already sending us reminders to sign it.

I wish everyone would stop talking about the economy. Talking about how bad it is can only make things worse, because everyone gets terrified and then they don’t spend money and right now the best thing everyone can do is act like everything is normal. But it’s like you can’t even read a decorating magazine or an article about bunnies without hearing about it. It’s enough to make you scream, especially for a “just-getting-out-of-school-20-something.” It’s as if people are obsessed.

It’s raining for the first time in a long time. Hot and rainy is the weather for today. Hot and rainy and therefore disgustingly humid, but it’s the first time we’ve had rain in awhile.

Tomorrow is J’s and my one year anniversary.

I’m not one to sit and mope these days. But sometimes you just need a weekend to be a bit bummed out about how fast your life is moving.

February 9, 2009 @ 9:10 am . Comments (5)

Culture — Tags: bad luck, Future, the world

Cats!

Augustus - cutest but most annoying cat in the world.

Awhile ago I had mentioned J and I were going to get another cat, because of our currently temperamental cat Augustus. I talked about how nervous I was because I wasn’t sure how Augustus was going to react. He’s always been moody and extremely clingy, and my hope was that with another cat, he’d have something besides us to cling to. I picked up our new cat, which we renamed Sata, from my coworker, and then we were on our way on the cat journey.

Sata is eight years old according to the vet, but I think he’s younger. He’s adorable and quiet. He drinks from the sink and sleeps in there too. He’s completely white all over - as you can see, he’s not tan, or brown, and he has no spots. He’s gorgeous.

The first night, Augustus (who is one and a half and does not know what other animals are at all) was terrified and Sata wouldn’t stop hissing at him. It took three days for them to be in the same room without problems for more than ten minutes, and it took a week for them to be comfortable with each other. But here’s the good news - Augustus is still cranky, but he’s less clingy and annoying. It worked!

I’m thrilled to have two cats. They actually play with each other now and when they’re not playing, Sata tolerates Augustus poking and prodding him and whining. Augustus wants to play ALL THE TIME, whereas Sata just enjoys relaxing. So Augustus will initiate playing, but Sata will just wander off instead of hissing or attacking when he’s not up for playing. I can’t even express to him how much I appreciate him putting up with Augustus’ moods.

So it’s been easier on all of us for Augustus to be able to have someone else to pester besides us. Sure, he still pesters us, but at least he’s not completely alone during the day when we’re all off at work or class, and at least when we are home he can play with Sata too. And it’s best in the mornings when Augustus gets antsy at about six in the morning and wants me to wake up, because he and Sata just chase each other around until I finally do. He still meows impatiently, but it’s not NEARLY as bad as it used to be. It’s just annoying now. Before, it was unbearable.

Success!

Hello!

February 5, 2009 @ 10:54 am . Comments (3)

General — Tags: cats, pets